I am blue. Blue in the sense that I have been standing by rickety-looking bookshelves and nudging them, hoping they will fall down on me. I have been awarded my own section in the library. It is number 332- 370. Those of you who comprehend the Dewey decimal cataloging system will know that these shelves house some of the most boring books in the world. In other words, economics, finance, health and educational policy and law. Who got the good parts like French porno or humour, I want to know. I am perturbed.
Yesterday I went into the shop up the road to buy some lucozade and the man there offered me a white Siberian tiger for only €30.00. I declined. He urged it further.
'You won't find it cheaper anywhere else!' he said.
'Maybe in Siberia' I chuckled.
This is a lie. I have no clue about the current price of white Siberian tigers bought directly from Siberia. Also I have no interest. My own crushing boredom has removed any previous concern I had for zoology and economics. Selfish, selfish Lucy.
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