I have a new phone. It is smashing. It is a navy clamshell with a wee silver stripe and when I get a text message it goes 'cuckoo, cuckoo' and when I get a phone call it plays 'Lose my Breath' by Destiny's Child. It also has a tiny camera which you can take pictures of your dog doing funny things with then save these photos as your wallpaper. I think we can all finally admit that I am shit-cool.