Friday, August 22, 2008

Oh, Woe!

Mary in work told me today that there is a wheat crisis afoot. 'So what, no Weetabix' I said in an offhand, I'm-not-really-interested-in-this-shit-you're-telling-me, but-i'll-listen-cos-we're-work-colleagues kind of way.

'No, no bread. Did you not see the wheat crops this year? Black!'

Why she would assume I knew the condition of wheat crops, I don't know, but there you have it. What a strange after-work life she must imagine I have, popping my head over silos and trailers to check on the condition of crops. Maybe that's what she does, cycling round the countryside and observing tillage. I have better things to do, thank you very much.

No matter. What Mary does on her own time is up to her. What counts here is that wheat is involved in the production of bread (I know! Who knew?!) and I live almost entirely on bread. Seriously. My diet is made up of about 75% bread-based products (ie. 'Les Sandwiches'), a fearsome chunk in these breadless times. The other 25% is derived from tobacco and caffeinated goods, which are rumoured not to have the best dietary heft. What will I eat?!

Thursday, August 07, 2008


Mags has coldsore. Is gross. Also: internet cafe PC in Berkeley did NOT auto-complete when I typed it in. What? I thought everyone in California had a blog. Is MINDBLOWING. In other news:
  • Am alcoholic now (Now?, you say)
  • Planes suck
  • Cork must be empty as entire population over here
  • Timezones suck
  • My sister is a selfish dork
  • 'Frisco ROCKS!
Why doesn't everyone in the world live in San Francisco? Is most amazing place on earth. Let's just give up on rest of it and move all people here.

PS: Only on blogger because am killing time while Mags is beboing EVERYONE SHE KNOWS saying 'SFran is deadly! Not married yet! Fingers crossed!'

Friday, August 01, 2008

I never met a Toby that I didn't like

What is this junk, anti-folk?

Wikipedia doesn't know: 'It is still highly debated what exactly the defining characteristics of this sub genre are'. How utterly shaming, to be defined as something unknowable and only distinguishable as opposite to something else.

I'll admit right now I like to use the anti- tag for anyone who offends my delicate sensibilities by opposing any of my principles as being 'the anti-Lucy'. What are these principles? So far it seems they are 1) anything can be made better by having a drink, 2) Reading on buses is OK with me and 3) Amanda Brunker is an idiot. I'm only a wee one though, I'm sure to have a few more in time. Anti-folk now, they're in trouble.

I read in a magazine that record companies made up 'World Music' to push non-English language bands they wanted to promote, and to give music shops a name to house this new section. 'Ethnic Music', 'Earth Music' and 'Racial Beats' were all dismissed as being too offensive. I shit you not. I think I will rename Anti-Folk: 'Hipster jazz' is okay; 'Young Dudes playing Old' is better. I infinitely prefer 'Underused-Arts-Educations-and-a-tambourine Music' though. What feel you on this important topic?

What am I doing here? I should be packing my swimsuits and sparkly dresses: guess where I'm going next week!