Friday, August 22, 2008

Oh, Woe!

Mary in work told me today that there is a wheat crisis afoot. 'So what, no Weetabix' I said in an offhand, I'm-not-really-interested-in-this-shit-you're-telling-me, but-i'll-listen-cos-we're-work-colleagues kind of way.

'No, no bread. Did you not see the wheat crops this year? Black!'

Why she would assume I knew the condition of wheat crops, I don't know, but there you have it. What a strange after-work life she must imagine I have, popping my head over silos and trailers to check on the condition of crops. Maybe that's what she does, cycling round the countryside and observing tillage. I have better things to do, thank you very much.

No matter. What Mary does on her own time is up to her. What counts here is that wheat is involved in the production of bread (I know! Who knew?!) and I live almost entirely on bread. Seriously. My diet is made up of about 75% bread-based products (ie. 'Les Sandwiches'), a fearsome chunk in these breadless times. The other 25% is derived from tobacco and caffeinated goods, which are rumoured not to have the best dietary heft. What will I eat?!


Chris Cope said...

A few weeks ago, the child bride brought home several large bags of wheat that she had been suckered into purchasing from someone at her church for some sort of "My daughter has cancer so you should buy this wheat" reason. I put said bags into the attic thinking that the child bride is too kind and spends our money on silly things. Now I know that we will be swimming in bread while the rest of you starve. Suckers!

Lucy said...

You will be kings in a world of scarcity, and we will be your slaves.

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