Thursday, December 30, 2004

Just Imagine

What I would really love to see is two people who met on the internet getting it on in real life.

Take Raggamuffinzebra and Mossy for instance. Imagine them meeting up in the real world. 'Ahem' Mossy would say nervously. 'I'm looking for Raggamuffinzebra.'

'..., I... I'm Raggamuff- Mossy?' RaggamuffinZebra would whisper in disbelief. The pair would stare wordlessly at each other for a moment. I, naturally enough, would be present to move this dumbshow on a bit.

'Go on, you two, go get a drink or something.' I'd urge kindly. Then I'd reassure Raggamuffinzebra that I'd take over her shift at the diner or whatever and I'd tell Mossy that I'd look after his three-legged, one-eyed beagle for him and I'd send the pair down the road for an awkward yet magical first excursion.

Later Mossy would walk her home in the moonlight and they'd share a shy kiss. Raggamuffinzebra would go inside her house and take off her waitress uniform and her small son would say 'Mom? Have I got a new daddy?' and she would look on him and smile sadly and think bittersweet thoughts about the sad yet happy circumstance of getting knocked up at a young age. Mossy would go home with his one-legged, three-eyed beagle and stare solemnly at the stars. Maybe he would write a song. If I know Mossy, and I think I do, I think he would write two songs. And play them in the field outside Raggamuffinzebra's house on his guitar.

And I would fall in love with a cowboy called Roy, mainly because of my fondness for people that rhyme, and he would mess around with my best friend Jeannie and I would storm in on the two of them and scream 'Damn it Roy! I've had my heart broken one too many times!' Then I might or might not go on a mad, steaming homicidal rampage against all mankind, with my new best bud Thelma in a red soft-top. It would ultimately end in suicide, a shoot-out, widespread redemption and repentance or cannibalism. All or nothing, I'm that kind of girl.

This is how I imagine internet romances playing out. This would of course never work out because Raggamuffinzebra and Mossy would not get on well in the real world. The sexometer on late-night TMF only gives them a 17% rating. Maybe this is because I tried to save money by just texting in 'RaggMuffLvsMos' to save money, forgetting momentarily that text messages were NOT like telegrams and charged per message not per word. You're living in the past, hon.


Linus said...

I always wanted to fall passionately in love with someone who one morning would set fire to my trousers, with no explanation. I'd look deeply into her eyes, while she superglued what remained of my pants to the windows.

It's a simple dream, but one that will never be fulfilled, I fear.

Voodoolady said...

Lucy, I am slightly worried about you but am more worried about the low rating on the sex-o-meter. Your new phone is very pretty, and congratulations on the impending nuptials, in case you are worried about asking me, yes, I will be your flowergirl. I remember when you were one once a long time ago and since I never had the opportunity I think it only fair that you give it to me. I look very young anyway, ask the bouncers in the baldy!

Mossy said...

I am being afraid. Very, very afraid. Your imagination astounds me young woman.