Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde
It is incredibly lucky that I am so goddammned stylish. The average naive young graduand might find it daunting, terrifying even, to have to contemplate the fashion challenge that is their official conferring of an academic qualification alone, but not I. I, you see, have watched a lot of Trinny and Susannah.
Unlike the high streets of Dublin, that kept trying to force upon me cowboy boots, culottes, kaftans and spangled-maternity type tops. No, I said firmly; these frivolities are not for me. I am a classic, elegant young lady with aspirations to marry big and end up in Hollywood. The classiness of these graduation photos must remain absolutely unquestionable for the Behind the Scenes special VH1 will do on me in years to come!
And so I went my own route, beating the streets tirelessly in search of the perfrect graduation outfit. It had to say 'Hello, I am an intelligent, educated young woman newly blessed with a degree from this proud establishment. See how this august institution continues to brace the finest young minds against the harsh challenges of the modern world? Splendid! Also, haven't I got nice pins?' Not a lot to ask for, I think we'll agree. Something with a semblance of intelligence, dignity and which makes my legs look nice. Easy.
At my last check I am only halfway there, being as yet naked on the top half. Nothing says 'respect my intelligence' like a topless graduate, right?