My lily feet are soiled with mud

For the past two hours I have been ringing estate agents in Galway city and county to find out the name of their senior negotiator in residential sales so we can send them on brochures. I know you may have formed the opinion that I, Lucy Aughney, am brilliant at everything. Not so, friends. The time has come for me to admit it: I am painfully, cripplingly, embarrassingly shy.

I know what you are thinking: What a surprise to find a socially inept person on the internet! And writing a blog, no less! But it's true.

Here's how it was supposed to go: I was supposed to ring the number of each agent, ask for the name of their residential sales representitive, they would give it to me and I would ring off. Easy. The first number I dialled was a fax machine. Grand, try again. The second time I accidentally dialled through to our reception. And the third. At this point my fingers were sweating and sliding off the buttons. CHILL. On my fourth go I got through to a surly girl who claimed they didn't accept direct mailings. On my fifth a woman asked could I hang on for a minute then proceeded to discuss her digestive problems with someone at her desk. On my sixth I rang a fax machine again. Then I hung up and hyperventilated for five minutes solid, pausing only to vomit into the pot plant by my desk.

I am cool now, though. First of all, I reduced the number of calls I had to make by discounting all agents with offices in Tuam because it is a well-known and widely acknowledged fact that all Tuam-dwellers are insane, monkey-featured idiots (It's alright! No one from Tuam will read this because Tuam doesn't get the internet!). I have managed to limit my anxious behaviour to compulsive head slapping and vague self-insults muttered under my breath. Yes, you would LOVE to share office space with me. Don't lie.