Thursday, July 28, 2005

High Standards

Scene: Lucy's Mother's kitchen. Dinner is served. Lucy and Mother are seated at kitchen table eating. Bored looking cocker spaniel sleeps in the corner.

Lucy:...yeah, so, Jenny Len's young fella gave me a lift home last night-
Mother: Jenny has a boyfriend?
Lucy: Yeah, I told you that, I thought- Ross, he's LOVELY.
Mother: Hmmpfh.
L: What?
M: Nothing.
L: What was that noise for?
M: Nothing.
L: Right, so-
M: It's just that I was thinking about how neither you and Sally have boyfriends.
L: Neither do you, to be fair.

M: That's different.
L: How, exactly?
M: It just is. Why DON'T ye have boyfriends, though?
L: Hummpfh.
M: What?
L: I dunno, do I.
M: Too fussy, I expect. Too high standards.
L: Ha!
M: No, I meant with Sally. You're hardly beating them off, are you. Dunno what's wrong with you, actually.

Now. She would NEVER say this to Sally. Mainly because Sally spends more time on her appearance than the Egyptians did on the pyramids and to insult her would be to question the entire concept of hard work and perseverence paying off one day. Point is, I have to get cracking on this boyfriend thing before she writes me off as a dyke and leaves all her money to Sally's future children.


Anonymous said...

its the tinsel and the calm thing lucy---- we've talked about this --- boys DONT like funny intelligent women --- now stick to your guns Lucinda

Curly said...

Keep with the dyke thing until your mother pleads to give loads of cash for you to find a nice guy - then drop the act just before she finally snaps and produce said nice guy, leaving a happy Lucy with loads of cash and a bloke.

Too complicated? I'm confused, fuck.