I have just been appraised of some awful news. RTE's long running soap, Fair City, has no fan-site. Why is this? Are Fair City fans not people too? Do they not deserve a forum where they can meet and mingle with other fans? Or are they desperately sad and ashamed about their Fair City obsession and meet in secret in back-alleys? All good questions, friends. None will be answered by me though, because I am working and have no time to ponder such things.
I mention this only because the other night, while the lovely Aoife and I chowed down at a local eatery we were struck dumb by the sight of one of the actors scoffing white wine and pasta with a blonde at a neighboring table. I'd tell you his name or even that of the lad he plays on the telly but I don't have a clue. [Mark this moment: Lucy admits to not knowing something. This will not happen again.] Naturally, I hot-footed it on to the net the next day to post my sighting on some fan-page's message board. I was toying with working the event into a bit of a drama with me walking up and slapping his face for getting off with his teacher last year and since taking up with her daughter, when I gazed in surprise at the screen. No fan-site! No online shrine to the wonder of Carrigstown! What am I to do? Who can I brag to, if no hapless obsessed fans exist? They must be out there, though. In hiding no doubt, but they are there.
I challenge you all to find a Fair City fan today! Find them and bring them into the light! You have a moral imperative to free this sadly maligned group from their isolation! We shall start our own web community and begin stalking all the actors! Eventually we will become legendary and iconic and we will get all the shit-cool merchandise all the Buffy fans get! I shall see children carrying a Harry Molloy lunch box yet!
God, I'm good. Sometimes the brilliance of my plans sends small shivers down my back. And sometimes I'm just cold.