Sure she was whoring about with that sleazy Lohan-ex for a bit but I forgive her. Hey, even I used to laugh at That 70's Show before I got sense. And then there's A Walk to Remember. I don't know if you've seen this but it doesn't matter cos I'm going to tell you what happens. That rockstar doctor from ER is a bad kid who has bad, trashy-looking friends who hang out by the lockers at school and snigger at the loser kids. Then he does something bad and as community service has to do after-school stuff with the loser kids. Here he meets up with Mandy Moore, local queen nerd and my nbf, who has the worst fringe ever (and I'm including the one I cut myself while drunk last year) who immediately enrages him with her eternal perkiness and refusal to bow to his cutting remarks ("Nice sweater. Not!!! HAHAHA!").
"Don't fall in love with me" Mandy says smilingly to his snarling teen angst. Yeah right, says our rebel. Then she stars in the school play in a revealing frock with make-up on and before you can say doomed teen romance he is chasing her pinafore-clad arse round the school. But it's not all about the bad thing. Mandy gives him hope for the future and stuff and he throws over all his trashy friends and ho-bag girlfriend to look at the stars and go to mass with her. Then she drops the bombshell: "I'm dying." Darryl Hannah shows up as his mother looking like my dad in a wig and pats his shoulder reassuringly. "Mandy needs you. Have you seen her cute little mole?", she says. And then they get married. At eighteen. And she pops it. Bad boy goes to Medical college or whatever and becomes a doctor on ER, always thinking of how our angel Mandy changed his life. Fin.
There. I knew you'd like it. There's very little walking in it whatsoever. Now you don't have to see it. You're welcome.