Wednesday, April 19, 2006

For eyes which rowle towards all, weepe not, but sweat

I have yellow spots on my eyeballs. Oh sure, I'm the only one can see them but they are there. They're like faint nicotine-burns. Whenever I try to show someone my yellow eyes I hold them by the ears and make them gaze into my eyes for an uncomfortably long time. Most everyone says: 'Nope. Can't see them. You're nuts.' One person said 'Are you trying to kiss me?' Idiot.

Damn it! I have yellow-eye! I looked it up for Pete's sake. Apparently it's because of poor tear quality and over-exposure to UV light. Poor tear quality, hah! I haven't cried since Dumbledore died. And that was more of a slight moistness around the eye than actual tears. So I went to the chemist to buy eye-drops.

'Eye-wetness stuff, please!' I said.

'€12 please' said my local friendly pharmacist.

Bit steep for a teensy bottle of what is probably water but, hell, I bought it. I'm off to buy sunglasses now to cope with the dazzling UV glare from Tramore's shimmering sands. So if you see me strolling around looking more knobby than usual, wearing big, bug-eyed sunglasses, you will know that I do it so my eyes are clear and pristine. All the better to undress you with.

3 comments:

Chris Cope said...

You're sure it's not jaundice? If it's jaundice, where it like a badge of honor.

Joey said...

I heard about that. Its a strain of gaunasyphalherpalaids. But don't worry, they all cancel each other out.

Marie said...

You get yellow spots on your eyes from alcohol poisoning...honestly my cousin Maggie-Anne had them before from it.