All the emphasis in this post is because I am YELLING it at my secretary

Where WERE you last night? I was looking everywhere. Well, the bar. You weren't there. Mags got drunk and made me dance to Sweet Child of Mine with my arms over my head. She MADE me. Then I kept buying her drinks cos I'm LIKE THAT. I encourage drunkeness. I'm like the anti-diageo. Oh no, wait. When I got home I was sitting on the kitchen floor eating Weetabix Minis, my new FAVOURITE food, when I got a text message off my new best friend Ken. It said 'I meant to say hello to you'. I thought this very nice of him. I vaugely recalled seeing his head earlier. So I wrote a long and complicated message back which ended with 'Let your conscience guide you. Kenneth. KENNETH. Off you trott. Though we admire.'

If you can understand what I meant by any of that you are a better man than me. Luckily for me (and Ken) I accidentally entered the wrong number and sent it to somebody else. A STRANGER. This morning I woke up with a reply saying 'Who's Kenneth?' From the stranger. I didnt write back though. I have enough random friends.