Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Tortured, tangled heart

Yesterday I had an interview. You know what that means. A JOB. Out came the vile interview suit and vile interview shoes. And hold-ups. Bleugh. Guess what they asked me?

‘Have you read any books recently and what did you think of it or them?’

Books! That’s all them shagging librarians ever think about. Ever go to the cinema, people? Watch telly? They’re so obvious it’s embarrassing. Naturally I flubbed it. I breezed through the rest of the thing, gabbing on happily about the democratisation of literature and having a community forum for this and that and the transience of something and the marginalisation of something else- I can’t rightly remember what I said now but at the time it was brilliant. Interview gold. And up comes the easiest, dumbest question ever and I practically swallow my tongue.

‘Lucky Jim’ I finally spat out. ‘Liked it.’ That’s not so bad, surprisingly it’s actually true. Yes my critical analysis isn’t exactly going to be scaring the shit out of Harold Bloom anytime soon but hey, he’s more than likely not in the running for this particular job.

But I couldn’t leave it there. For some reason interview-genius* Lucy decides that Lucky Jim isn’t impressive enough. ‘And Ulysses. Liked that too.’

Well done, shithead. No one, bar poncey literature students and maybe Declan Kiberd or someone, has just read Ulysses. And it’s a lie. I skipped right to the dirty bits and found them wanting. Pah. This is why I avoid carrying out conversations sober.

*Ha. Sometimes I spell right, sometimes I spell not so right.


-Ann said...

I have wasted hours of my life going over the dumb things I've said in interviews. (I've had lots of interviews and said lots of dumb things.) I'm sure it wasn't THAT bad.

Chris Cope said...

Here is yet another brilliant example of why it is good to know Welsh. If someone had asked me that question, I would have given the title of a Welsh-language book. Perhaps I would have made up the title. Then I could have made up what the book was about. They wouldn't know, but I'd sound really smart with my analysis of a book that not only am I sure they haven't read, but that they can't read.

Huw said...

I think it would be wise to employ a librarian who didn't really like books. I mean, think how distracting it must be for those booklovers, surrounded by books all day.

Best of luck vibes ma'am.