I am now online! In my house! It is thrilling. But less than perfect. The wires are too short to stretch upstairs so I am installed at the kitchen table. The dog keeps wandering in and out, getting tangled up with all the cables and staring at them. What is this small black box, he thinks. Can I piss up against it? I've locked the fucker outside. No one gets in the way of my internet. Mary told mum that we should drill a hole in the floor to put the wires upstairs. My mother just looked at me: this child of mine is so not worth drilling holes in my house.
My internet came in the post last Thursday in a big white box. I took it all out, stared at it and plugged it in to bits of my laptop. Nothing happened. I rang the eircom helpline and cried down the line for an hour. Then I forgot about it till just now. And it works! I am a telecommunications wizard. Send me all your technology problems and I'll ignore them for all the best part of a week.