Monday, February 07, 2005

This ain't nothing new

Last night I watched the Superbowl. A s a person who has never seen American football except in films, I must say right now that it is an extremely dull sport. There is a huge amount of standing around and yelling, and lots of complicated number sequences that I do not understand. Why does anyone watch this crap, I wondered. Then the cheerleaders came on screen, all heaving cleavage and dazzling smiles and the boys in my living room went silent. Ahh, I murmured to myself as comprehension dawned.

Still, the rules of the game elude me. Thinking that Americans (which I have also had little experience with outside films) followed the same rules of logical numerical progression as ourselves, I glanced up from my perusal of the Observer's travel section to find the words on the screen changed from '3rd&11' to '1st&10'.

'What?! What just happened? Did we just move back in time?' I demanded of the room.
Burt took a deep breath and launched into a lengthy explanation of the technicalities of the game, which seems to involve yards and other things I thought the EU made illegal when we all went metric. There's ten minutes of my life I won't get back again.

When he finished, with a knowing nod and a swig of his Stella, I hummed appreciatively and fumbled for the Funday Times supplement from that day's Times. Evidently, I am not made for such viscerally real experiences as this.

To sum up, and in a synopsis I'm sure you would have rather had at the start: Lucy watched sport yesterday and did not get it. Nobody is surprised by this rather unfunny revelation. Lucy sighs heavily and crosses another topic off her 'Things I can converse cleverly on' list. Getting to be a pretty short list.


Chris Cope said...

Surely you didn't watch the whole thing, as it would have dragged on into the wee hours of the morn. And I would advise not trying to learn football by watching the Super Bowl. The game is deliberately stretched and made even more tedious than usual.

ChrisClark said...

As the second Chris posting a comment, I would second that opinion--the Super Bowl is ridiculously stretched and much more tedious than a typical game. And, as an American thoroughly obsessed with the sport, I must say that this year's Super Bowl was actually a rather dreadful affair compared to those in years past.

But, all that being said, I got quite a chuckle out of your analysis and found myself wondering, "Why do I waste so much time watching such a silly game?"