Ahem. Am I not getting something here? Last night, thrilled with the realisation that my mother would be away in Paris for the weekend (note: She booked it in December. Lucy's realisation comes Feb 16th. One wonders how I get up in the morning) I swiftly formulated a plan to throw a party in my parent-less homestead this weekend. Trembling with anticipation (and the cold, heating not yet back on) I put my thumbs to work immediately. 'Party in my gaff this Sat. You are invited. Bring bottle of vodka. And whatever you're having yourself' I texted off to a half dozen intimate acquaintances. Replies? None. Three hours later Kathy texted back to say she had 'college work to do'. Yeah right, more like a rival party to attend. Since then, nothing. Does nobody get it? I don't give parties very often. And when I do, invites are like gold dust. I certainly don't invite just any raggamuffin. And now, when I deem to invite a few raggamuffins to drink vodka and sit in my kitchen listening to me talk for a few hours, the ungrateful scuts don't even respond! I am at a loss. Utterly without hope.
Speaking of hopeless losers, would you like to come to my party on Saturday? It's free in (before midnight) and if you behave, I'll let you sit next to me and brush my hair.