Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Quota Filled

As of today, I have enough friends. I'm not taking on any more. I get enough hassles from the ones I have already without taking on new meat. So, from here on in, no room at the Lucy-inn. You're either already in or you're out in the cold. Everyone who I consider my friend will recieve a Lucy Friendship Pack in the post, containing some or none of the following: a lock of my hair, a handwritten poem about mountains, a copy of my typing certificate from Transition Year (22wpm) or a photo of my dog. Don't come crying to me if you don't get your Friendship pack; I will merely fix you with a frank stare and repeat slowly: 'Everyone who I consider my friend...'.

PS: Some of my original friends may, of course, die. In fact, at some point they all will. To remedy this problem I propose to draw up a panel from which replacements will be drawn. To apply for a place on this panel, please forward your name and favourite cast member of The O.C. to my HQ. Any applicant who suggests lazy-eyed teen alco 'Marisa' will be immediately dismissed and a team of rabid dogs despatched to their home. Or Marie. Whichever I have handy, really.


Voodoolady said...

Mwah ha ha, 22 wpm? That is shameful Lucy, I could do that with my feet!

Linus said...

In order to combat the feeling of crushing disappointment this post has given me, I have taken up opiates. Thanks Lucy. Thanks a lot.

Also, I'm pretty sure (although I have no actual knowledge) that a woman who can type 22 wpm with her feet could make a fine living in Japan, where such things fill a niche but growing market.

claire said...

I recieved the friendship pack yesterday, I will cherish the strand of hair forever. (actually I am telling lies, I dropped it on the floor and cannot find it.... ah well)

And now for the greatest betrayal...... I DON'T WATCH THE OC and the only character I even know is Marisa so if pushed I would say she was my favourite.

Deal with it Luc, just deal with it!!

Bossom O'Malley said...

Dear Sir/Madam
I wish to apply for my friendship pack - mine must have gotten lost in the post
cheers lucinda

signed - hurt