Sunday, January 01, 2006

Lest we forget

At this time of year it is customary to faff about looking back on the 365 days just gone. To my mind this is ridiculous. It was hell enough going through them all, leave off the retrospection. These are my plans for 2006: give up smoking, join the gym and sort out everything else. When I announced this last night Jenny's cousin Esther said that gyms were a joke. 'Just don't eat for a month,' she said, smoking my cigarettes, 'that worked for me.' This Esther person is an utter loon by the way who announced, rather hilariously* within ten minutes of meeting me that she wanted to 'make out' with me at midnight. Now, I know I'm hot stuff but 'make out'? What are we, American? That's all I need.

So I am all about the future. The next step. Looking forward. Some people will insist on bringing me down though. Yesterday in work smarty-pants Donal goes: 'Are you coming up to Noel's party tonight?' and I went 'No, I'm not fucking invited, am I?' and he went 'you weren't invited last year' and I went 'Yeah but I didn't go last-' and then Donal started sniggering. Because apparently I did go last year, uninvited, and started flinging bowls of peanuts about and sitting behind the Christmas tree. And other madcap things that us freespirited sort enjoy.

So, yeah. Last year. You may be pleased to know that this new years I did not attempt to beat anyone up. Instead I spent six hours banging cheekbones (my version of air-kissing- I do not put my lips on the disease-riddled skin of the common people) with various people I hardly ever see. But onwards, I say!

*Not.

9 comments:

The Phantom said...

One of my resolutions is to go to the gym, or to work out at home, four days a week. It makes a difference.

Another will be to drink less beer.

If I didn't go to the gym, I'd weigh 300 pounds.

Good blog. Well written. I've linked to it, and have spread it around the US a bit.

Happy New Year.

Anonymous said...

one of my resolutions is to ration my texts cos cant afford to keep up with the crazy spendin' it will make a difference then i will be able to afford more beer if i dont join the gym id have 100 euro more in the bank i've spread the blog round limerick surely that meets the US-anon (guess who?note almost completelack of punctuation ah a dead giveaway-hey jen and marie)

Mossy said...

I've got 3

1. Drink less beer
2. Become fluent in Irish
3. Take up a sporting activity (Working out / Gym / Jogging won't work because once I start seeing results i give up and get lazy again, I need something that is regular and that i feel will miss me more than I miss it).

Linus said...

Get a dog, Mossy.

I just got a stepercise machine for christmas, so I'm using that for exercise. It's very manly, I keep telling myself.

Mossy said...

All I want is a flat stomach.

And remember, a stepercise machine is not just for christmas...

Anonymous said...

mossy---- a flatter stomach - BE A MAN

Linus said...

I've been studying the topic of defattenating from various portly angles, and sit ups aren't going to cut it. They give you washboard abs, but buried under about sixteen to twenty pounds of solid cake. You've got to lose weight to get flatter stomach, man.

I can do 25 situps, which probably qualifies me for the olympics. I'm some sort of exercise prodigy.

Mossy said...

Yeah, But i'm not fat. I dont need to lose weight anywhere. Just my mini beer belly. But sit ups are too boring so i give up after a few weeks and there's no results.

Myself and Duffy have made a pact to run the Mini Marathon (Womens) in June and we've started training, so that should do it.

Linus said...

Speaking as a TOTAL MAN who has 'done' the mini marathon largely in the hopes of picking up women, don't do it if the only chat up line you can manage is to collapse wheezing and redfaced on a septugenarian woman.

Not that that's happened to me.

Twice.