At this time of year it is customary to faff about looking back on the 365 days just gone. To my mind this is ridiculous. It was hell enough going through them all, leave off the retrospection. These are my plans for 2006: give up smoking, join the gym and sort out everything else. When I announced this last night Jenny's cousin Esther said that gyms were a joke. 'Just don't eat for a month,' she said, smoking my cigarettes, 'that worked for me.' This Esther person is an utter loon by the way who announced, rather hilariously* within ten minutes of meeting me that she wanted to 'make out' with me at midnight. Now, I know I'm hot stuff but 'make out'? What are we, American? That's all I need.
So I am all about the future. The next step. Looking forward. Some people will insist on bringing me down though. Yesterday in work smarty-pants Donal goes: 'Are you coming up to Noel's party tonight?' and I went 'No, I'm not fucking invited, am I?' and he went 'you weren't invited last year' and I went 'Yeah but I didn't go last-' and then Donal started sniggering. Because apparently I did go last year, uninvited, and started flinging bowls of peanuts about and sitting behind the Christmas tree. And other madcap things that us freespirited sort enjoy.
So, yeah. Last year. You may be pleased to know that this new years I did not attempt to beat anyone up. Instead I spent six hours banging cheekbones (my version of air-kissing- I do not put my lips on the disease-riddled skin of the common people) with various people I hardly ever see. But onwards, I say!