Saturday, January 14, 2006

Canadia

My sister is going to Canada for the summer. One of those student-fuck-about-drinking-while-pretending-to-work-and-experience-other-cultures things. I'm sure you've heard of them. At least it keeps the student's from vomiting in Irish gardens, I say. She got a loan from the Credit Union this morning and is pissing herself with excitement at spending the thing. Seeing as she's not going till June and she can't hold on to a tenner for longer than ten minutes, I doubt she'll have much of it left by then. Here's my problem though: Sally looks to me for advice on everything*. I am God to that poor girl. And my knowledge on Canada extends to Bryan Adams and facts gleaned from that South Park film. Does anyone know anything about Canada? Besides the fact that it has an STD named after it, obviously.

*Slight stretching of truth employed here.

14 comments:

Curly said...

I was in Canada for 4 months in 2004 if that helps?

Can offer good advice on how to explain where Wales is using only 3 beer mats. Ireland? Of course they know where that is.

City Guide:

Vancouver - Take full advantage of 4am drinking laws. Doolins Irish Bar rocks.

Victoria - Nice ferry ride, go Whales watching.

Calgary - Stampede is awesome. Also good staging ground for Banff, Canmore etc.

Toronto - Party town, Niagra falls near.

Yellowknife - You're either lost or you're an eskimo.

Montreal - Swot up on your french. And Hockey.

Halifax - Book a flight out three days after arriving. And bring some Monkey nuts.

Ottawa - you're probably in the departure lounge already.

Oh yeah, tip unless you want to be really unpopular.

Huw said...

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament Building is that of the United States'.

That'll tell her.

The Phantom said...

They speak bad French in Quebec and bad English everywhere else.

Anonymous said...

Is the STD not called candidia?

Mossy said...

Eh?

Elisa said...

It's Candida I think, one 'i' too many. I lived in Canada for 12 years for my sins. NS and Ontario. Talk about polar opposites!

Marie said...

I know a joke about Canada want to hear? Well tough I am going to tell you anyway. Whats the difference between the U.S and Canada? When Canadian people say have a nice day they mean it. Pretty crap eh? I have an uncle and cousins living in Toronto and they hate Americans so one tip for Sally is don't refer to Canadians as American they react badly and sometimes violently, i know I have experienced this. Definately go to Niagra Falls it's magical...

Is said...

I lived in Vancouver for 3 months, but that was 7 years ago, so I'd imagine it's changed a wee bit since then.

Could tell her where I worked on the off chance that (a) she wants to work in a tourist shop (b) the shop's still there and (c) that knowing me would help.

Been to Toronto a few times too, but the ony recent time was for work, and we didn't get much beyond the airport.

fuzzbrian said...

canada is one of only two countries in the world to have it's coast line touch 3 different oceans. The other being america.




it's also physically impossible for pigs to look upwards.




and anyway "One of those student-fuck-about-drinking-while-pretending-to-work-and-experience-other-cultures things."

is that not what you do with your life? except without the study or other cultures?



i think i might have been rather rude to your father on saturday night too.

Donal said...

Canadians reproduce asymmetrically.

Anonymous said...

well myself and o'meara spent a romantic rugby filled week in toronto during that lil SARS epidemic extravaganza o how we laughed in the face of fear!!!good shoppin in toronto sally will have a ball ooooh and boat trips round lil islands in bay lovely but not with a hangover-ah hindsight!!!

Chris Cope said...

Winnipeg - Lots of donuts.

Canadians enjoy themselves some shit beer and they hate being confused for Americans. They are funny when they want you to take them seriously.

liz said...

canada wont know what hit them with your sister and my cousin not only going there.... but at the same time!god help us everyone!guaranteed theyr run out in the second week!mind you we did last in the states for 3 months (twice) so theres hope for them yet!

ms.aughney its a wonder as to why you never graced the wonderful west with your extended presence????

sally said...

I'd like all excited travellers to know that I am no longer going to CANADA as my bid(we'll call it)did not go through to register so I'm left Canada'less while the rest of my willing friends got It! However fear not all you lonely planet fans I am now going to Long Island, NY so fingers on buzzers, tell me all about it...