Lost in Translation

Recieved from the McIntyre one over the weekend:

"Hello my pretties --- or as the sleazy greek men pulling you into a bar/restaurant would say --- 'baby baby baby '- well how the hell are ye all my little flowers -- Ive so much to say and so little space to say it - "

Yes, Ashling is one of those people who eschew normal grammar rules and use only hyphens to get their message across. She is at this moment in time backpacking with her sister Fiona around random Greek islands. Moving on:

"we went dossing around athens then for the afternoon--- was great the amount
of stuff we saw was amazing --- we saw zappelion, national gardens, changing of guard at unknown soldier - temple of zeus - some bath thingy that i cant remember name of right now and then the next day we walked up to the acropolis was class class sight definately worth the climb the walk and everything - the view was unreal and the place itself was gorgeous -- of course was petrified of snotting myself coz it was so steep and all the steps were marble -- "

This is pure, untarnished Ashling. Never change, little one.

"went out last night and needless to say go a little intoxicated ----went to a really nice pub where the barman was of the sleazy variety---- when ya asked for sex on the beach he'd reply - when??? and insisted on trying to throw ice cubes down me top --- (loved it really - just messing) but then i thought id be all flirty and throw one back at it him --- of course gobshite here throws it at his head --- nearly knocked the poor ejit out --"

Ahem. This all happens during her few days in Kefalonia, a place where, she tells us is where Captain Corelli's Mandolin was filmed. She harbours an especial love for this place, for reasons you will soon uncover:

"The island was beautiful the water was so clean and lovely --- We stayed in an apartment called Vivenne Villas --- and this is the highlight of the holiday so far ---- you could flush the toilet paper down the toilet --- WAS KLASS -- its the little things in life that matter ---"

In other, less toilet-related news my good friend and habitual drunk, Marie Connolly has written to impart equally vital info on her trip to Japan to see her sister:

" Hi guys,
Hope your all well, any goss from the weekend? I am cream crackered so i'm off to my foton. I'll write you all a long e-mail Thursday boasting about how much fun I had in Disneyland, hard to believe seen as i'm so humble and never gloat lol:-)
Lots of love Marie "

Ashling goes to Greece, which, apparently, is somewhere around Europe and writes about 10,000 words on the subject and Marie goes to Japan- JAPAN- which is a whole other continent and writes two lines, mentioning a visit to a foul Western themepark. And she misspells 'futon'. Pah. She doesn't deserve Japan. And no, she's not a cockney. I don't know why she writes like one either.