Am I not getting something here? I was up in Dublin ALL weekend, (am still here, as it happens) and I recieved not one text message/ phone call from anxious friends requesting my whereabouts. Do you not want me out every Saturday? Am I... unloved? (unthinkable, I know) All stinking term I send you ungrateful wretches the most heavenly entertaining correspondence via email and come the weekend, a weekend VERY close to Christmas may I add, no one requires my spectacular presence on a night out!
As I was friendless and alone this weekend, I resorted to my own entertainment. I took up smoking. I gave up smoking. I cleaned the kitchen. I washed the bath. I watered the plants. I spat into the gardens of the groundfloor flats, trying to get a reaction from the tenants. No luck. As a last resort I took to drink. I raided someones cans of Dutch Gold which had been left, somewhat foolishly, unattended in our fridge and wrote four pages of my English essay slightly drunk. It is quite remarkable how well I write with a few drinks in me. In fact, I am drunk now- hic!
Perusing my work the next day I was somewhat alarmed to see the amount of exclamation points used in my intoxicated state.
Sample line:
It is amazing how female litreature continues to flourish under the weight of male hypocrasy! It is undoubtedly time for a new female revolution, since the sixties are long over my friend!
I did of course amend that little gem before handing in the essay since it was actually about books and not whatever-the-fuck-comes-out-of-Lucy's-head-including-song-lyrics. I expect a first.
*letters*to*the*editor*
Give Marie a break will ya, youre always at her.
Lynne Kirby, westlife fan (hee hee)
Lucy! I cant belive you didnt mention how you met Don Conroy! And you who is so fond of his work!
Marie Connolly, some strange person I dont know but lives in my house for some unknown reason
How are you proud for having met Dana? I would have ran away and though happy thoughts- all things bright and beautiful perhaps! tee hee!
Donna Purcell, Limerick student (pah!)
You write well for a UCD student- in fact I'm surprised you can write at all!
Grainne Walsh, Trinity asshole
What does 'encantado de conocerle' mean?
Amy Burns, dumb person
*marie*fucks*up*
*big*style!*
Though I have been telling marie for many months now- 'Marie, if youre not good Santy wont come!'- she has been behaving badly constantly and blatantly disobeying me. The highpoint of this was, I suspect as I was not there to see it, Saturday night when, without my supervision, Marie went on a mad drunken rampage. Not only was she skulling back drink at a disgustingly gluttonous rate, she was also kissing boys (!) and being violently ill in peoples houses (!!). Has this girl no moral guidence, I hear you ask? I prefer to think of her as the devil incarnate, as it gets her poor parents off the hook.
*word*of*the*day*
*big*style!*
Though I have been telling marie for many months now- 'Marie, if youre not good Santy wont come!'- she has been behaving badly constantly and blatantly disobeying me. The highpoint of this was, I suspect as I was not there to see it, Saturday night when, without my supervision, Marie went on a mad drunken rampage. Not only was she skulling back drink at a disgustingly gluttonous rate, she was also kissing boys (!) and being violently ill in peoples houses (!!). Has this girl no moral guidence, I hear you ask? I prefer to think of her as the devil incarnate, as it gets her poor parents off the hook.
*word*of*the*day*
'in the main'
For the interest of my non- Spanish speaking readers, 'Encantado de conocerle' means delighted to meet you, and I intend to use it in my Spanish oral exam in April. How prepared am I?
*Employment*opportunities*
*Employment*opportunities*
Because of the influx of replies to my request for job applicants, I have been a busy bunny all week and have been unable to devote sufficent attention to the content of this newsletter. Or my essay in fact. The essay is now gone in however (2910 words, thank you very much) but as I am presently at home in, As applicant Ms A.Mullen calls 'the posh place by the sea', Tramore my brain has become the stagnant shallow pool of lethargy and boredom that is typical of all Tramore dwellers. I apologise profusely for the absence of my usual sparkling wit from this newsletter, I plan to get very drunk VERY soon and fall over a lot.
NOTE TO AFFECTIONATE AND GENEROUS FRIENDS OF THE NEWSLETTER:
A list of Christmas gifts which would be pleasing to the editor is available upon application. Please do not go off and buy me stuff without asking me cos you will surely get it wrong. I am really deep and you may find it difficult to buy for me. Hence the list. How good I am to you all!
1 comment:
lucy could swear i've read half this newsletter before including the bit bout my lack of spanish mite i be right in thinkin you are trying to fob us off with a compliation of your newsletters ps why u still writin essays thougt u were finished with formal education
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