Our favourite Vic barwench, Kate C, just rang to tell me that there is a nasty rumour circulating in the Vic that says I made the foul poo and was trying to hide the fact by telling everyone about it! Which is a funny way to go about covering something up.
'Fuck off, no way!' I said, naturally distressed.
'Yeah, Liam had to clean it up, he's gonna start calling you 'Shitgirl' now.'
'That's so unfair! And such a crappy nickname! Anyway, why would I do such a thing? HOW would I do such a thing, that thing was massive!'
This thing has got to stop. I'm making another sign. 'Lucy did not make the poo. Lucy doesn't even poo. The end.'