Monday, December 03, 2007

Topless and ashamed

Today I had a driving lesson and a pre-employment medical examination. One of these occasioned the removal of my upper layers of clothing. GUESS WHICH ONE.

No, but seriously, besides the unexpected breast check, which was totally the most intimate I've ever been with another human being whilst sober, I managed to fuck things up on a whole other freakish level. Returning from the bathroom, tester pot of wee in hand, I noticed a stray hair on my left hand and went all frowny. What to do? I was holding the wee in that hand. Dial D for Dilemma! If only I could get that stray hair off my wrist without anyone seeing how messy and scruffy and covered with goddamned hairs I was... but how to do it? So I scuffed my hand angrily against the side of my cardigan and went 'ugh' loudly and stuck my hand out in front of me in disgust. And looked up to see the nurse staring at me.

So I handed her the wee and made a big deal of praising the liquid soap in the bathroom so she would not go home and tell her family and friends about the 'ugh' girl who went to get a urine sample and came back wiping her hands on her jumper. I am not that girl.


Mairéad said...

I'd say the doctor was makin a move on you with d whole 'breast check' thing!! As for the Wee bottle you did have tissue wrapped around the bottle when u handed it to the nurse?? I take it you passed the medical?

Marie said...

Lucy Aughney what has happened to??? The girl who used to cringe at the word SEX not to long ago!!! Lost all inibitions eh???