Wednesday, August 23, 2006
My dinner this evening
Gross, you may say, tongue poking sympathetically from your gaping mouth. It is not my fault. I am on a diet. Not because I am fat mind, because I think we can all agree that I am most definitely the purest example of sex itself, but because Mags and Marie said they were doing it and I hate to be left out of anything. Dismiss the fact that Mags weighs about two stone nothing and will need to be hospitalised by tomorrow evening: this diet is only three days long and makes you lose ten pounds immediately. Get that? Immediately. Ignore the fact that I had two slices of turket and some boiled carrots for my tea, point is: I will be so skinny by Saturday. Try and recognise me if you can; I will be the reed-like one getting drunk on half a bacardi breezer. Cos the thinnies can't hold their drink, don't you know.