I have a pain in my stomach. I told my mother last night: 'Mummy! My tummy hurts!'
She eyed me warily and skulled a glass of wine before answering: 'I think- hic!- you are not getting enough exercise.'
My mother eschews all conventional medicine, by the way. Her answer to most ailments is a long walk or going to bed early. THIS IS ALL. Maybe a lemsip, if you're lucky. A body part would have to be hanging off before she would allow you to go to the doctors. I am only telling you this in case I die of gastro-fatal stuff during the night and you need to build a case for child-neglect against the woman. This morning she actually tried to get me to walk the back strand with her. THAT IS EIGHT FUCKING MILES, MAN. And she told me to go study for my theory test. Pah, I say.