Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Updates from Shanard Road

Oh my God. I am so tired. All last night I kept having weird dreams about going to see the White Stripes- in the canteen at work, at a hospital, with my mother who was drinking Guinness. Also I kept waking up at odd hours, casting around for my watch, thinking Aoife was sitting on my bed feeding me ice-cream, realising she wasn't even in the room then dropping back to sleep. Hope I didn't wake anyone up screaming 'get off me you tool, Aoife, I have to go perform with the Stripes! They need my tin-whistle on the chorus to Seven Nation Army for God's sake woman!' Thankfully the happy day has dawned, albeit in a dubious-looking grey way, and I am leaving this godforesaken place in a few hours to rock on down in Marlay Park. Quite.

Aoife is trying to scare me. Having spent two nights in my new accommodation, I am gradually adjusting to living with people of the male persuasion. They are not too bad really, a bit untidy and verbally-smutty I suppose. Aoife, however, regards them with a wary eye and warns me against leaving anything of value out of my sight. She would know I suppose, she has lived with these particular buchailli for two years. To emphasize the general untrustworthiness of boys she tries to shock me by pointing out their base animal instincts.

'Do not leave your shampoo in the bath' She says. 'Or they will wash their willies with it. In fact, do not leave anything anywhere other than your bedroom or they will eat it or fart on it. They are disgusting'.

I have not actually observed either of the two boys farting or eating excessively so far (though they do fart and eat worryingly often) so I can not be sure whether she is being truthful or just communicating an old grudge. Surely not all boys are like this, are they? I worry for the future of male-female relations if they are.


johannes said...

Aoife is right, we men do a lot of eating and a lot of farting and sometimes both at the same time (these bizzare competitive-rituals are usually preformed in the company of men and are not usually used to attract female attention). Don't be alarmed - it is but merely a phase and some us will come to realise that aerodynamics, such as the flying carpet (i.e. the effects of farting in bed at night) will not help in a long-term relationship. Pizza crusts and other paraphernalia will also disappear for our quarters in due course but, again, Aoife is right we will use any stray shower-gel and shampoo. Mind you, we only use the contents - we don't use the plastic containers to wash our willies!

Mossy said...

Now That's Just Funny