Foley, your days are numbered

Wedding 002 (2), originally uploaded by Harriet Vane.

There are two rules in my job. Okay, three. One is that nobody talk to me for the first hour of my daily hangover. The second is that Lucy gets a coffee and a back rub whenever she requests them. The last one is that Lucy gets to watch a minimum of one hour of costume dramas and/or weighty BBC book adapations a week. THESE ARE THE RULES. LOVE THEM, LIVE THEM.

If you step outside the rules and ignore the rules then the rules are useless. Do you hear me? Yes, you, Niamh life-wrecker Foley. You with the weirdly shiny eyebrow. I'm talking to you, up there dancing and giving me the eye. The rules are in place for a reason, Foley. TO PROTECT YOU. Lucy needs her period dramas or she will go nutsy and somebody will get hurt. So, when you drop the Sky remote in a bucket of water and BREAK IT so that the channel can't be changed and Lucy has to watch horse-racing for five hours while Mr Rochester was off wooing Jane Eyre over on BBC1...well, it won't be pretty.

To everyone else who didn't drop digital remotes in buckets of water over the weekend, play on. Go about your day as usual. If your day takes you into my flickr account to view the rest of my photos, you go right ahead. You like photos of stunning-looking girls dancing drunkenly? Welcome! You've come to the right place.