What not to Wear: Crooked fringes, less than two coats and ponchos

I have made a terrible mistake. Last night, in an inexplicably idle and reckless state of mind I happened upon a pair of scissors lying on the dressing table in my room. Hmmm, I pondered, my fringe was looking a bit straggley recently. And so I cut my fringe. Lying on my bed, in the near dark. With such background elements, the outcome was never going to be good. A wiser person might suspect self-hating elements repressed in my psyche, but I know the truth; I am thick. Asymmetrics are back in this year, right?

On a happier note, I have recently discovered the secret to staying warm in winter. Staying in bed all day, ha ha. No, seriously though; wear two coats! I t's easy and a whole lot cheaper than having to buy a new winter coat! The benefits are numerous- you get more pocket space, more padding against unruly passers-by who jog up against you as they brush past and don't forget, the always excellent more-places-to-conceal-items-you-have-stolen-from-the-office-stationary-room. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

Apparently, ponchos are the new black. As in common, ubiquitous and slimming (hang on a second...!). God, I hate them. They are right up there on my Top Five Most Hated Woolen Items EVER, nudging matching hat, gloves and scarf sets out of the top spot. But I am part of Generation Y, the generation who embraces change and pursues compromise! So, if you must wear horrid woolen items, I merely advise you accessorise accordingly! With a poncho, the correct accoutrements are a sombrero and some tequila; with matching hats and scarves, facial hair and a job at Santa's grotto is recommended. Heed my words, friends and you shall not go awry!