***THE*LUCY*AUGHNEY*NEWSLETTER***
I have just been visited by Dr Suess' Cat in the hat. Well, thats what it called itself anyway. It kinda looked like a load of astericks but I wouldnt be an expert on cats or their apparal. Allegedly if I send it on to everyone in my address book my wish will come true.
I was going to do just that but two things stopped me. The first was the undoubtable wave of hatred that would be directed towards me if I sent that lovely little piece of mail on to a load of people (smile; it was almost you) and the second is that I could not think of a wish. Am I completely happy, I hear you cry. And i'd have to answer; yes. Look at everything I've got going for me! Physical advanatges aside, I'm a lucky chica.
I mean I get to live three of the lovliest girls in the world, and one of them is my best bud Marie who sleeps two feet away from me! How lucky can you be? And the four of us always do fun stuff together- for example, last night we had a great game of 'robbing-Lucy's-bedsheets-and-hiding-them'. No you cant get it from Hasbro, we made it up ourselves. And then, when the fun of that was over we had a quick game of 'bouncy-castle-on-Lucy's-bed-while-shes-in- it'. Oh, i really love that one.
Just when you think you might be getting bored and want to go to sleep, we all have a fun two hour conversation till well into the wee hours of the morning about absolutely nothing! Its mad! I was a bit of a dry shite last night though; i must confess. I kept wanting to go to sleep and end the games before they were properly over.
Boring old me!
*Lucy*fucks*up*
Today was going grand, i was helping doing stock taking at work in the bookshop and, ok, i was after fucking up a whole set of calculations and we had to start again but hey! it was fun! The problems started when Anthony came over to help me fix my calculater when i'd dropped it on the
floor.
'So, are you, like in college?' he said, passing the time.
'Yep' i replied eagerly. 'I'm doing arts in UCD. English and History.'
'Roight' he said (hes a bit posh) 'Oh, James Joyce!'
'Ah no actually' I said and went on to explain that we had down Joyce last year but I hadnt like him that much. I then gave him a critical breakdown of Joyce's 'Dubliners', finishing by saying I had thought 'Portrait of the artist' was a filthy book and hadnt read the ending out of disgust.
'Roight' he said again, looking bewildered 'I just meant he went there, didnt he?'
I hate people like me.
*Beauty*corner*
The heading 'beauty corner' is very untrue as beauty does not occupy only a corner of my life but all of it. In the words of a better man than I (since I am not a man at all), 'Beauty is truth, truth beauty'. Ahhh.
This week I have been enjoying the benefits of a box of dye which has altered my hair colour to 'deepish darkish brown' or something of the like. I am now a glossy, raven haired beauty, as many people have told me. I was somewhat at odds over the comments i got last saturday night. One acquaintence responded to me shaking my glossy mane with; 'Wow you look like Arwen from Lord of the Rings'.
This i liked, very much. I did not appreciate another comment that went 'your hair smells like a swimming pool'. That i was a little perturbed by.
*word*of*the*day*
'dearth'
A scarcity or lack of something
eg: There is sad dearth of intelligent life in my household.
*How*to*Look*stupid*without*really*trying*
It is a very valauble skill to be able to appear stupid when one feels like it. Not only the obvious pity and money you will acquire from looking stupid (everyone feels sorry for stupid people), you can also avoid lenghty jail sentences when a jury thinks you too dumb looking to be able to plan and carry out multiple crimes of a devious and brilliant nature.
Unfortunately, since I am obviously a highly intelligent person and know nothing at all about looking stupid, I had to delagate the writing of this piece to Marie. She is unfortunately unavailable tonight, so you shall all have to figure out how to look stupid on your own. I'm sure you can manage it.
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