Monday, May 25, 2009

Hey hang on there a second now

Did you know that Pluto = not a planet anymore? Seems that theres only eight official planets doing the rounds nowadays, not the nine we all heard about back in the day. Oh, I know, I was flabbergasted to hear the news also. Apparently, this was decided back in 2006. Yeah, I didn't get that memo from NASA either. SOMEBODY is trying to keep me outta the loop. Keep trying, spacemen, I got my methods. Yeah, it takes three years for my methods to come to fruition but still: I'm watchin' you. Be very afraid.

Or just kinda afraid. I got a lot on these days.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Mick Flannery really blew. Luckily, I fell in love

"Good Lord, Loretta: don't look now but the most beautiful man in Tramore just smiled at me."


"Oh, I'm sorry, I meant 'The Most Beautiful Man in Tramore'. He's over there, black top, jeans, cheekbones like cliffs you want to tumble off, shoulders like rocks you want to smack into. Eyes full of sex, lips full of sin!"

"Ohhh. Well, he is very nice alright."

"'Nice', she says! What are you drinkin', lady, 'cos you need to give it up! He's the most fabulous man I've ever seen in the flesh. He looks like Clark Gable only better and less facial hair. Brando, before the weight. The body of a cowboy and the face of an angel. He's like-"

"Yeah, I get it, I get it: you've got the sexual fantasies of a seventy-five year old."

"Well! I like that! I-"




"Loretta, I think I've gotta blow this joint, these joykills are really wrecking my buzz."

"Yeah, you probably should. We're getting looks. Also maybe stop talking like a gangster from the thirties."

"HA! You really make me laugh, dollface! Laters!"